A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple days with a specimen. When she got home she asked her husband "What's a specimen?"

He replied "Hell if I know... go next door and ask Edith, she's a nurse".

The woman goes next door and comes back in about 20 minutes, clothes torn, and multiple bruises and cuts all over her body.

"What in the world happened?" asked the husband.

"Danged if I know" she replied. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go poop in her hat, then all hell broke loose!"