The boss was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
their passions overcame them. They left the office for her place and made passionate love
all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, and woke up hours later, at
about 8 pm. As the boss threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes
outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Though mystified by his unusual request,
she complied nonetheless. Then, the boss quickly slipped into his shoes and raced home.
"Where have you been!" demanded the boss's wife when he finally entered the
house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've
been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and I woke up just minutes ago. I raced home
as quick as I could."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "Don't lie to me, you bastard! I know
you've been out playing golf again!"
An elderly lady from a remote interior village went to to one of Philadelphia's most
fashionable suburbs to visit her niece and husband. Nearby was a very well-known golf
course. On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her
return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I
came to some beautiful rolling fields. There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly
men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice.
There were four men who followed me for some time, uttering curious excited barking
sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out
her hands, "I found a number of these curious little round white balls, so I picked
them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."
4 guys are discussing how they get their wives to let them play golf every Sunday
morning.
The first says "Every Saturday night I take my wife out to an expensive
dinner". The second says "Every Saturday I clean the house for my wife".
The third says "Every Saturday I let my wife go shopping and she can buy
whatever she wants". The fourth guy just looks at the other three and
jjust shakes his head. "You guys go it all wrong." On Sunday morning I get up at
5:00am, shake my wife and say golf course or intercourse?
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny afternoon. The first of the two some teed
off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole. Sure enough, the ball hit one of the guys, and he immediately
clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell
to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over and
immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and
offered to help ease his pain.
"Ummph, ooh, nnooo, I'll be alright... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he
replied as he remained in the fatal position still clasping his hands together at his
crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his
hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside,
beginning to massage him."Does that feel better?", she asked."Ohhh,
Yeah....It feels *really* great", he replied,"But my thumb still hurts like
hell!"
Hear the one about the bad tempered golfer who bought a new set of Great Big Bertha Woods.
After playing with them for a couple of rounds he returned to his pro shop and told the
pro that these were the best clubs he had ever played with. In fact "I can throw
these clubs 40 yards further than my old ones".
During the weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise,
hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives. From
the back of the room one expectant father inquired,
"Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"
A man playing as a single at Pebble Beach was teamed with a twosome. After a few holes,
the twosome finally asked why he was playing such a beautiful course by himself. He
replied that he & his wife had played the course every year - for over 20 years - but
this year she had passed away and he kept the tee time in her memory. The twosome
commented that they thought certainly someone would have been willing to take her
spot. " So did I" he said - "but they all wanted to go to her funeral"
Two guys were playing golf and were slowed down by two women playing ahead of them. After
a few holes, they decide that they should politely ask the women if they can play ahead of
them. The first guys walks up to the two women, but when he's about midway he stops and
runs back to his friend, hiding, ans says: "I can't go talk to them, it's my wife
playing with my mistress!" "Ok, ok, I'll go." So the second guy goes up to
the ladies, but again stops midway and runs back: "Gee, it's a small world.."
The other day I was on the golf course and I hit two of my best balls: I steped on a rake.
A Jew, a Catholic and a Morman were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith
convention. The Jew, bragging about his virility said "I have four sons, one more and
I'll have a basketball team!." The Catholic poo-poohed this acomplishment,
stating, "Thats nothing boy, I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football
team." To which the Mormon replied, "You fellers ain't got a clue. I have 17
wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!."
