Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.The neighbor was curious and wanted to know what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, so he politely asked,"What are you up to there, Little Johnny?" "My goldfish died," replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,isn't it?" Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
Little Johnny's English class teacher called on him to recite a sentence with a direct object.
Little Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you're beautiful."
"Thank you, Little Johnny," said the teacher, "but what's the direct object?"
"A good report card next month," replied Little Johnny.
In a second grade class, Susie asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?"
"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.
"Forty."
"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"
Susie answers, "Nineteen."
"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
"How old are you, dear?"
Susie answers, "I'm seven years old."
"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."
Then, Little Johnny behind Susie gives her a poke and
says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother
saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of
his time thinking about sex and girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you
are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,'
or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice, Johnny's, from the back of the room
rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's old and wrinkled"
Father asked Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds
and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding
and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus
at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at
eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really
fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!"
The day care teacher held up a picture and asked,
"What's this?"
"A horsy." one child answered.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy." replied another youngster.
"And now this one?" asked the teacher, holding up a
picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack. There was no answer, only
total silence.
"Come now children." she coaxed, "I'll give you a
little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and
kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!" said Little Johnny. "It's a horny
SOB."
A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology
courses. She starts her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks
you're stupid, stand up."
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am," he says, but I hate to see you standing there
all by yourself."
