A priest was walking along the
cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a
rope.
"That's what I like to see," expressed the priest. "A man helping his
fellow man."
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "The Father sure doesn't
know the first thing about shark fishing, does he!"
A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.
"Well, sir, do you have grounds?" asked the lawyer.
"Yep. I have me about 150 acres."
"No, I mean do you have a case?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere."
"Well, does she beat you up?" asked the lawyer.
"Nah, we both get up at 5:30."
"Well, is she a nagger?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a
dayvorce!"
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a
hamburger. As she gasped and gagged, one Texan turned to the other and said, "That
gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
The Texan ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands,
and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she acknowledged that she couldn't swallow. Then, the Texan asked, "Kin ya
breathe?" Still gasping, she motioned that she couldn't breathe. With that, the Texan
yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and licked her butt. The young woman was so
shocked and humiliated that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began breathing on
her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how
that hind-lick maneouver always works!"
A redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was
masturbating several times a day out in the barn. "Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out
and git yo'self a wife."
So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a
week or so after the wedding, the farmer found his son choking the chicken again.
"You crazy boy!!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae's a fine young gal!"
"I know Paw," the boy replied, "but her arm gits tired sometimes!"
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar andannounced that his wife had
just given birth to a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"Wow!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later, the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked,
"Aren't you the fatherof the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How muchdoes
he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "You're kidding? I know that babies lose some weight after birth,
but ten pounds? What happened?"
The proud Texas father boasted, "Just had him circumcised!"
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a gorgeous redhead. "Can I buy you a drink ?" he asks." Sure, but it won't do you any good, I'm a lesbian." "No way" says the man, "No woman as good looking as you could be a lesbian." To which the woman replies "Oh yeah? See that brunette sitting at the end of the bar ? I'd love nothing more than to get between her legs and lick her till she can't walk." The red head looks at the man, who now has tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry," she says, "did I offend you ?" "No" the man sobs,"but I think I'm a lesbian too!"
