15. Is on retainer to Anna Nicole Smith.

14. After the recent minor surgery, he's shooting blanks instead of arrows.

13. Traded in the diaper for leopard-skin Speedos.

12. 'waste the truffles' one by one until ATF agents deliver Cindy Crawford.

11. *Still* thinks OJ is innocent.

10. When he runs out of arrows, simply relieves himself on people's heads.

9. Thinks it's funny to keep making Rush Limbaugh fall madly in love with himself.

8. Stays in the pub all night throwing darts at people as they stumble to the bathroom, ensuring a night of bacchanalia in the stalls.

7. Aiming love arrows ONLY at dog genitals and human legs.

6. Recent Oreo binges making it impossible for tiny wings to support his bloated girth.

5. Offering 'special military discount' to Army drill instructors.

4. Shows up with an arrow through his head and shouts, 'Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuse me!'

3. He's got three days of stubble, he's waving a half-empty bottle of Everclear, and he's up in a clocktower with a pink assault rifle, screaming about 'that amateur Chuck Woolery.'

2. Has given up his bow and arrow in place of simply kicking lovers in the groin.

and the Number 1 Signs Cupid has Gone Nuts...

1. Despite abundant wit and ravashing good looks, a majority of the Top 5 List contributor pool remains inexplicably single.